I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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