What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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