youre lurking in front of me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
