Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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