I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
