I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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