i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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