Someone shit on the floor
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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