You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
