i barfeds in our rink
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
