Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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