You know, be my cock's hype man.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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