he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
