peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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