All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
