The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
