You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
