her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
