70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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