The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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