I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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