I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
