I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
