Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
