Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
