So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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