lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
