I got chris browned last night
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
