I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
