My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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