That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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