Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
