Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
