It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
