What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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