so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
