His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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