I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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