my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
