He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
