Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
