My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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