Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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