i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
