This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
