Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
