This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
