just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
