You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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