I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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