There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
