there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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